This note is about the emotion called pain, not a physical injury one, but something that can be felt inside. Especially intended for those who want to put an end to their deep pains.. because only when a human want to be helped, a help can be given.. take your time and read this slowly..

Purpose of this note..

Oh, by the way, finally I made another note in English again, lol.. usually in my native language, since it’s easier to have a deep communication without language barrier at all, but I will try my best to deliver the information in this common language (please inform me if you find some word-mistakes).. And why I write this topic, it’s due to cumulative events in the past that bring me to this topic.. especially some time ago, a friend of mine showed me the attempt to kill himself/herself.. couldn’t bear the pain, he/she said.. but luckily ended up in a hospital and still alive.. so at its extreme point, this feeling can affect your life entirely..

About this note, some people will do not need this revelation about pain and unhappiness at all, because they already understood it or even do not recognize this feeling.. but perhaps some others really need this information as they feel the pain and unhappiness deep inside and don’t know what to do.. However, please understand that only they who want to help themselves that can be helped, those who don’t need help can’t be helped at all.. (related to the previous note, “The Teaching Begins”)… furthermore, I will share what I capable to share, so if after you read this note you found out that this information is no longer serve you, which is mean you already know the contained wisdom, then just smile and honor everyone that are still in their path of journey of life..

so let’s talk a moment about this feeling called pain.. I will start with my own experience. To some extent, I know this feeling very well. I felt this pain, and I’m seeing it now everywhere. In the past, I struggled with this thing called pain. I felt it, experience it, and I wanted to get rid it. I wondered why this pain is seems so real.. so many questions was asked at those moments..

“what is pain.. this uneasy feeling..; why there is pain.. why it feels so uncomfortable.. ; why it often come with another uneasy feelings, like anger-sadness-sentiment-unhappiness, etc.. ; why it can rob my energy, make me lost control of my self.. ; in some cases, why it can make my eyes full of tears instantly..” , and so many other can’t-be-answered-at-that-moment questions..

.. but is it real ? is the so-called ‘the art of happiness’ even real ? so this thing called pain.. I experienced it, I pondered it, and I learned it.. through several first-hand experiences of pain, deep sadness and deep depression, finally I could figure out some essential aspects about it..
*during the moment we are feeling pain, it seems so real.. the effects are very real and everyone can see it..
*in some cases, the pain can stay several days, or weeks, or months, or years without any clear solutions..
*the pain can be a light pain..and this can be erased or forgotten easily.. or the pain also can be a serious one.. this will create deep wound, so deep that someone can lost his/her will to continue the life..
*it seems there is an instant way to heal the pain, through outer substances or activities or even love from others..

Is that what are you going through.. !? or ever felt like that before ?! different people will have different feelings and stories.. but if you have deep wound in the past, and you still have someone that you’re afraid/dislike/make you remember your trauma/don’t want to meet with, then this reading is suitable for you..

There’s an old story about this pain..

“A Wood and The Hole”

There was once a young boy with a terrible temper. His wise father told him that every time he got angry and do a bad thing he had to hammer a nail into the wood fence in the backyard. The first day the boy hammered many nails into the fence. The next day, he tried to get angry less and hammered less nails into the wood. By the end of a few weeks, the boy proudly went to his dad and told him that he able to control his behavior and had not gotten angry at all that day.

So, the boy’s father told him that now he could start removing the nails from the wood, if the boy apologized sincerely to someone whom he had hurt through his anger/bad acts. So, the boy began to apologize to people whom he had wounded and slowly, slowly, the nails began to get pulled out of the fence. One day, the boy proudly went to his dad and told him that all the nails were out of the fence. He told his dad that his anger and bad acts was “a thing of the past.”

His dad then led the boy by the hand to the wood and showed him how the fence was now riddled with hole. It was no longer the wood it once had been. It was now weakened and damaged. “Do you see that?” The father asked the boy. “For you, anger and bad acts is a thing of the past. Yet, this wood will never recover. Every time you throw your emotion or do bad things at someone it is like driving a nail into them. You may later remove the nail, but the hole is still there. The effect of your acts can not be removed.”

It’s a nice story.. when you put yourself as the little boy, it reminds us to be careful with ourselves.. It consider point of view from the boy, the main actor of this story, and here the wood is only the receiver.. so as the boy, we have to be careful and we have to control our behavior so we won’t hurt anyone.. it will be not good if we hurt someone else.. to some extent, this is appropriate and make you be a better human with good social skill, according common expectation..

but, unnoticeable by many, this story also has its illusive side.. Because, consciously or unconsciously you will also have a tendency to put yourself as the victim ! as the one who get hurt because of someone else’s bad acts/words/emotion, you as the wood that’s fragile and ready to be nailed anytime ! What happen then, you will have a duality, dual case where you are the victim and the other one is the villain, you will consider that the pain is something that can be given from someone to someone else, hence if you have the pain in your heart, deep inside yourself, it must be because of someone else, or from outer side ! This is the common consciousness of humanity, where you can find someone to be blamed, you can think how bad is someone, and how he/she/they inflicted the wound in your heart. Even if the villain already apologized and stop acting bad, you still justify the pain in your heart by associating it with the holes in the wood, the pain and the effect is still there.. you’re feeling the pain and still believe that the hole will never ever can be recovered as before, and it will leave traces that remind you of his/her/their bad acts, for the rest of your life..  so you still find it’s really hard to give true forgiveness, and become the old you who have no wound at all, which mean be your true-self without pain and restrictions.. and here you are, have a pain in your heart now.. oh you tried to hide it, but sometime, someday, it will show up in the surface and you’ll suffer again.. do you see how you play this wonderful game of villain and victim, as the bad boy and the fragile wood ?!

let’s slow down for a moment and see another wise story about this..

“Salt, Glass, and Lake”

A master grew tired of his apprentice fretting about the many complications of his life, and so, one morning, sent him on an errand to gather a small portion of salt. When the apprentice returned, the master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it. “How does it taste?” the master asked. “Bitter,” spit the apprentice.

The master smiled to himself and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake. Leaning carefully over the edge, the apprentice cast his handful of salt into the water. After a few seconds, his elder friend said to him, “Now drink from the lake.” As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?” “Fresh,” remarked the apprentice. “Do you taste the salt?” asked the master. “No,” said the young man.

At this, the master sat beside this serious young man who so reminded him of himself and took his hands: “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same, but the bitterness we taste depends on the container we choose to receive our pain. So when you are hurting, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things . . . Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

by now.. maybe you have realized something.. you can see how yourself manage the pain, are you really a fragile wood or limited glass ?! yes, the pain is there because you’re a wood or limited glass, understand this basic concept.. you can’t blame the nail or the salt, being given from outer side to yourself, that responsible for the pain that you have in your heart.. you can change yourself, metaphorically, into a liquid.. where no nail will be able to leave the hole.. into a vast lake, where no small amount of salt can make your life bitter.. and the transformation needs internal change at how you view yourself and other..

If you still in pain now and want to release it, you can see yourself change from a fragile wood that can be nailed and leave a hole afterwards, into a liquid that still can leave ripples when something big is thrown to it, or even to a flexible and transparent gas where no nail or arrow or spear can hurt you or make a hole..  Here, we’re just using simple analogy, so don’t make it complex..

OK Finish.. you can finish reading this note if you get the understanding through those stories.. if you can get that ‘a-ha’ moment, a moment of realization, then further explanation is not needed.. 🙂

below this is a reading for those who still confuse and want to know the meaning.. even want to get the wisdom beyond those stories.. a bit deep though..


so after the basic concept from two stories above, next questions might arise, how can we transform ourselves like that ?! those are only in stories and metaphors, how can we apply that practically in our live ?! is it not easier said than done ?! we’ll continue our talk.. but until this point, if you believe that pain or suffer can not be erased..then you can stop reading.. if that is your belief, then literally it will be your reality.. the world and reality only mirror from your belief.. if you like to believe that pain is inseparable from human life, then shall it be, it’s your choice.. for those who believe otherwise, we’ll try to answer those questions above.. is that self-transformation real !? how can we do that.. ?

Take a deep breath…slow down..

Welcome Every Aspect of Yourself..

First, recognize your pain and unhappiness.. don’t run from it, don’t hide from it.. so usually, you run or hide from your feeling, you’ll cover it by another activity, another substances like foods or medicine, love or attention from another people, or anything that come from outer side, but my dear friend, it’s really a temporary solution and that deep sadness will appear again in another similar situation.. you’ll see the repetitive pattern in your life and you’ll wonder why this kind of situation always disturb your life..  you will say, am I so stupid understanding myself that I can not find the resolution from this situation ?! so, if you found yourself, in the past perhaps, in this very moment perhaps, feeling the pain and you immediately want to discard it by instant way, please stop.. this will bring you to nowhere except a circle of seeking pleasure and hiding pain..

humans are taught for always thinking positive and ignoring the negative side.. so they always run and hide from their pain.. but don’t deny yourself by saying you’re fine only because you don’t want another people to see your weak side, or you try to manipulate your mind by ignoring the pain and trying positive thinking.. well, that denial is good up to an extent, but by doing that you literally suppress yourself and it will explode in another time, it will arise again to the surface..

so, welcome it.. accept it.. feel it.. breathe it.. live it.. it is part of yourself.. it is you ! you feel it.. by recognize it, you make a choice to see the pain, no longer hide from it.. it just need your attention.. the pain is like an alarm in yourself that something need to be taken care of.. especially deep pain or trauma, it’s something crucial for your life.. do you still have one ?! if yes, then it’s time to look at it.. oh actually you can choose any time you want, this day, this year, next years, whenever you want, because it’s your choice and freewill.. you can enjoy the pain until you’re tired of it and want to go beyond it..

there is a wisdom about this part, an important one.. usually human always pursue externally derived pleasure and avoid pain.. they like pleasure, they open their eyes to pleasure, and close their eyes to pain.. they consider one as a good thing and one as a bad thing.. this is one the duality, if you notice.. always chase the good thing, and always stay away from bad thing.. however, if you do this way, whenever you get the pleasure you will be happy, but as a packet with that you will get the possibility to lose the pleasure and be sad.. and when that happens, then the pain will appear again and you will run away again from it, seeking another pleasure to cover the pain..  hence, you repeat the same pattern over and over again.. Here, pleasure is an interval between two pains, vice versa…

so, you might ask, what should I do, it seems whatever I do it will repeat over and over again !? but, the story will be different if you take a look at your pain whenever you feel it.. don’t run from it, but look at it.. you usually hide your uncomfortable feeling deep inside your heart, and have tendency to lock it and never look at it again..  metaphorically, you put it under your carpet or bed and consider it as something that you do not need at all, something that has to be discarded or something that the its existence is considered as bad.. but if you really want to finish the repetitive circle of pain, is it time to look at it closely..  take it from your hiding place and ask it why is it there..

live with it.. it is part of yourself, your aspect.. not to be ignored or denied.. stop for a moment and take time to look at your pain.. why you have pain, ask it to yourself.. why you have the hole in your heart and it taste really bitter.. are you really the victim ?! and who is the villain ?! who give you this pain !? and why is feels so hurt ?!

and I share you this word.. that nothing can be labeled as “bad” or “good”.. everything is just an experience, it just is.. it is just a matter of time when something “bad’ change into something “good” and change again into “bad”.. it really depends on how you look at that label.. you are the one who give that label to a totally pure experience.. every experience that you took will enrich your life.. you put label called ‘victim’ to you, and you put label called ‘villain’ to others.. then you get the product of it as the victim, it is pain..

so, go to the realization that no one is the villain and no one is the victim.. you can’t demand any apology from someone else since there’s no victim and villain.. go beyond the duality and understand that you don’t have to feel this feeling called pain.. it is only yours when you choose it.. be an observer and try to see the whole situation behind the short wall, metaphorically.. let go your expectation of how things should be, because this is also one of the main root of suffering.. with this perspective, you will realize that pain is not something that another can give to you, it is something that you can give to yourself, truly it is something that only you can give to yourself.. much like another bitter emotion.. as you understand this important realization, you will have much compassion and you will be able to release your pain and prevent yourself to play with it anymore.. you also will be able to feel heavy emotions from others, even the harshest words, but you don’t take it as yours..

if you are reading this, however, you should also understand that this reading is about your peaceful heart.. if you say in your mind, “so if there’s no villain and victim is not it better to be the bad guy so we can do whatever we want without any care, because it is better than to be a victim”, then you are not getting the core message of this reading..

the pain is really only an illusion, it is really only an illusion.. it is a projection of how you perceive the reality.. if you still can find a reason to blame someone else for your pain, that means you consider the pain as something that can be given to other, and you are playing ‘victim-villain’ game once again.. If you see the world is really like this, then you really see and live in your illusive world.. that why the pain, as an illusion, will appear to be real, because you choose it to be real.. so take it from your hiding places, look at it, understand it, transmute it, and integrate it into your life.. go beyond duality.. and when that time come, I assure you will be full of love, regardless what is the outer condition.. you will fill yourself and give thanks to the pain for its existence in your life .. it will propels you to new levels of consciousness and self-knowledge..

perhaps now, perhaps later, you will understand all of this..

inside every deep pain there is profound wisdom waiting to be discovered..

every pain is a potential of self awakening..
and so it is..
Love and Peace, One Humanity..

Handoko Luo
February 2011